What’s a Little Competition Between Friends

Today I had lunch with some friends. It was a great time. I sincerely love connecting with them, laughing, and catching up on our lives.

But, I can’t help but feel some sort of competition with them. Both of theses friends of my are successful and moving forward in their careers. While I seem to be languishing in a place of perpetual stagnation. Unable to move forward or back.

That may be a tad morose. I am moving forward. I have goals and dreams and I am working toward them. They are on the forefront of my mind daily and I do my best to take steps to their realization.

But despite all that I can’t help but feel as though I am falling behind. That others move forward faster than me. That I will never get to a place where I am happy and fulfilled.

I love seeing my friends, but at the same time it is sometimes painful. I give an update on my life and things are never really changed. I am never in a bad place but never in a good one either. I feel as though I am running in quicksand. Every movement forward only pulls me down farther into the abyss.

So, I am competitive with them. I want to pull to our hangouts and be in a nice new car. Talk about my great apartment. Gush about the girl I am dating. Brag about the money I make and the clients I work with.

I’m not there yet. But I will be soon.

Being competitive with friends sounds bad. But, it pushes me to be better. To do better. To want more. I am afraid of losing to them. Afraid of BEING the loser.

So I work.